Utopian Pudding

Just me and the gerbils this morning

Owning gerbils is like being queen to a couple of Oompa Loompas. They are such cautious little buggers, darting in and out of their tunnels and streaking from one end of the tank to the other in a blur. I'm still patiently hand taming them but it's not a big priority with me to hold them. But like a queen bestowing gifts from upon high, I benevolently hand down timothy hay, seed balls and the ever coveted toilet paper roll. I've even got my dear grandma saving TP rolls for them - thanks Gma!

I'm having one of those insomniac alone time mornings. It's 4:30 as I write this. And I can't spend my time surfing the internet because my iBook needs a brain transplant. So alas, I am sitting with pen and paper, a hot cup of tea and two gerbils.

I made one of my favorite dishes for dinner. BBQ Beef in the crockpot. It's a recipe that calls for a lot of condiments that I tend to use only for that dish. I felt extravagant in deciding to not only buy the chuck roast but all new condiments as well. So Monday I bought new bottles of red wine vinegar, liquid smoke and Worcestershire sauce (side note: the baby can say "Worcestershire" - she is obviously gifted) and a new jar of Dijon mustard. The cut of meat was good and the mouthwatering smell of a crock pot meal cooking away when I came home in the afternoon was like a mother's hug.

Here is the recipe if you're so inclined to tasting the deliciousness.

• 3 lbs boneless chuck roast
• 1.5 cups ketchup
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp liquid smoke flavoring
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp garlic powder

Place the chuck roast in the crock pot. Combine remaining ingredients for a sauce and pour over the meat. Cover and cook on Low 8 to 10 hours or High 5 to 6 hours. Remove roast from pot and shred meat with a fork. Return shredded meat and mix with sauce.

Mother's Day

Today I had a lovely Mother's Day. My dearest little one let me have a three hour nap on Tuesday of last week and so I totally considered that just the best mother's day gift ever. But today I got 2 cards; one from Sarah and one from Randy. I told them I felt loved and I did.

After lunch we decided to go to the mall. I bought myself a gorgeous magazine called Annabel Karmel Family Cookbook. It was the picture of rice krispy soccer players that did me in. And Annabel Karmel is big over in England so the purchase indulges my anglophile fixation.

I also bought Charlaine Harris' FROM DEAD TO WORSE (just out in paperback) and I will make myself read it slowly because I'm really not going to buy the new hardback that is also come out now. I will read it from the library even if I have to wait. Not like I did with the whole TWILIGHT series. There is something to be said for stretching out the good things.

Trolls are so silly

Being out on the internets over the last decade, I have learned a few things. One of those things is the definition of a Troll. The internet version of a Troll is a person who posts to a forum or chatroom and says things that are inappropriate or even down right mean in an attempt to hijack the topic under discussion and make it all about them. So I'm used to reading in the guidelines of forums that Trolling is not to be encouraged; ignore them and they will go away.

This is a really good solution and I did happen to see it put to use in a forum. I can't remember what was being discussed, but one poster started making personal accusations and attacks against the person who had started the thread. The only attention this person got however, was a few people posting to watch out for that troll and troll alert. The tempo of the discussion and the good feeling most of us had posted to one another were left intact and I ended up being more amused by the pathetic neediness of the troll than scandalized by what he or she had written.

No one wants to be called a troll. Trolls are ugly, stupid, smelly, and dirty. They have scraggly hair and bloated bodies, they have open sores and boils and all manner of vileness. And because of that, I think I can look at this troll metaphor differently and take it into the realm of my own peace of mind. The trolls in my life are not any obnoxious people around me, instead they are the varied and paranoid anxieties that I dredge up in my active imagination.

They are like tiny, gerbils, but the troll version of a gerbil which makes their skin nekid gray with hairy warts and poison goo drips from their little bucked fang teeth. And instead of hurling insults and trying to accomplish something obvious like undermining my self esteem, they go for the kill and if given any attention at all will create wild scenarios wherein I am dead or devastated. One troll represents my fear of death, another represents my fear of pain, yet another my fear of loss.

The least I can do is to pair up visions of myself suffering an instant death by cerebral aneurysm and the subsequent abandonment of my daughter and husband with a tiny, nasty gerbil-troll who is smirking at my quickened pulse.

It is a small and insignificant thing to worry about things of which I have no control. A silly play at insanity really. Most of the time I can easily ignore most of the troll thoughts that intrude upon my mind's eye and for the nastier ones I will simply give it to Jesus.

Finished Reading SARUM

I have recently finished a big, epic, saga of historical fiction called SARUM by Edward Rutherford. It followed a handful of ancestor lineages, down through time, for about 10,000 years. The constant in the book was the area of Salisbury, England where Stonehenge can be found.

For me it set history painlessly into my imagination. I can now place the Picts and the Celts before and after the invasion of Rome. A people of Britain's history that I have always been fascinated by and a time of history that other books have sparked for me like THE MISTS OF AVALON by Marion Zimmer Bradley and Mary Stewart's MERLIN Trilogy.

And I can see more clearly now how sophisticated Rome was back in the time of Christ, how bureaucratic and how dazzling were the philosophy, logic and their ruthlessly trained military. Like the characters in SARUM, I feared Rome, then I wanted to become a Roman citizen and later I mourned with those who lamented the fall of Rome and being cut off forever from such greatness. And in later centuries when Rome was the Pope and had such vice like control on a catholic Britain, I cheered the Protestant movement. And then sat back in horror at the repercussions as the two faiths battled for control of the people. And I finally understand where Quakers came from.

Really if I'd had this book in my high school world history class it would've been all I needed to actually learn.

A water stamp

A couple of weeks ago I sat down and carved myself a stamp. The design was inspired by this batik wall hanging above my bed. It's of a mermaid and merman.

The center part is what I wanted. The flow of water and cross currents and yin/yang.

It was a lot of fun to make and now to have as my very own artwork.

It only took me a couple of hours to carve once I traced the design onto the eraser material.

Yesterday morning got quite exciting as I walked by the gerbil's cage and noticed Bluebell was having babies! 5 babies. They were so cute and wittle and all. And I had no clue whether to take the other gerbil, Thistle, out of the tank. Alas, less than 24 hours later the babies are all gone. I found one dead pup, a tiny pathetic thing that I had to make myself pick up and after studying it intensely finally threw away into the garbage. I'm sure Bluebell and maybe Thistle ate the other babies. I will thoroughly clean out their cage to make sure. It's all gross and sad and a bit of a relief.

On a lighter note though I totally got my kid to eat her dinner by bribing her with DORA if she would just eat one bite of chicken. She cried about my bargaining for a bit and then suddenly said "Okaaay!" like she finally reasoned out that it was a very good deal on her part. We are now into DIEGO and she is totally eating the whole thing. All mothers of toddlers know my joy.

I made a lemon cake this evening. Now there's no question I will eat this cake, it's only a matter of will power to eat it with a cup of tea AFTER I do the dishes and not wolf it down RIGHT NOW.

Meet Bluebell and Thistle

Here are two sister gerbils. The black one is Thistle and the black-and-white one in the flower pot is Bluebell. They are charming to watch. I am slowly making some progress with hand taming them. They don't want me to pick them up yet, but they enjoy climbing over my hand.

We bought them Friday night at the mall. I was sort of determined to get gerbils that day. I went to four pet stores to collect all the things I needed including the animals themselves. Then I spent the whole night cleaning our old 55 gallon fish tank and Randy helped to move it and set it up.

I got the correct wheel that won't catch little toes and tails. Plenty of aspen shavings and hay, cardboard hidey holes and gourmet seed mixture. These gals are living in fat rodent paradise. My toddler is taken with them (but of course I won't let her touch one.) She wants to feed them and will run to our bedroom and scoop up "grass" from a green throw rug to run back and give to the "mice."

Today was a fun and productive day. I was motivated to get up early because my friend and I had arranged for a play date for our daughters. I made this kind of Ham and Cheese Quiche that really turned out awesome and Amanda and I enjoyed it with cups of sweet, hot coffee.

I also cooked dinner and made a dent in the laundry. I really wish I had taken a picture of the laundry as it was a couple of days ago. I had been reading the entire series of THE CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR by Jean M. Auel and I let a lot of house things go. The laundry was in biblical proportions or at least it seemed so to me when I woke up last Saturday morning. I admit, I had a minor tantrum about it.

But today, today things are getting done. Play dates, food prep, clean up, laundry, hobbies, and the child asleep early so that Randy and I can watch the premiere of DEADLIEST CATCH! And to top it all off, the very red cherry on top of the sundae, we had a spectacular sunset after an afternoon of life giving rain.

A few of my favorite things

I'm having a touch of insomnia tonight. I have no doubt whatsoever at 4am in the morning that I need to cut down on my caffeine habit. I have already been up for an hour and ended up folding some laundry. However, since it doesn't happen often I'm enjoying this bit of free time. When I went outside to the laundry room, I stopped to admire the moon. It was still so bright being full just yesterday, and the coolness of air I felt as I stood in the sleeping neighborhood with so many stars around me was comforting. I've got a hot cup of tea now and I'm doing what every insomniac probably ends up doing - checking my email.

 

I have made bread four times now. The first and third time were duds; the first a hardened shell of unrisen dough, and the third time yielded dough that was too sticky to even be handled. But, oh, the gentle warm baby heavy goodness of the two successes! And this is a picture of tonight's cinnamon bread which is so sweet and delicious.

 

I went to the local nursery and bought some flowers. I mean to take a better picture of the flowers but his royal catness had to come in and strike a pose. Behind him though is a big clay pot filled with snapdragons and coleus plants. I got some other annuals and need to read their care for tags before I kill them.

The most fun was had by planting them when we got home as little Sarah got to get as dirty and wet as she wanted. Her squeals of laughter, and industrious digging and rock carrying were just so precious. "I play dirt." she told me more than a few times after I'd cleaned her all up. I have a feeling bath time is going to need to be coming after Sarah has her playing in the dirt time.

This is my backyard. It definitely has needed some TLC. But we are slowly getting there. I'm determined to save the life of that ear tree in the corner. It's branches need to get trimmed out of the power lines but my husbands keeps talking of taking it out completely. As it's our only tree I really don't want to lose it. It gets nice shade in the back corner there so I'm going to plant some flowers there soon and maybe make a fairy garden out of seashells for Sarah. (Okay, I confess, I totally want a fairy garden made out of seashells and tiny flowering plants - for me.)

 

And one of my favorite sights of every workday. My man coming home.

 

Right now, I am reading CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR by Jean M. Auel. It is an old favorite of mine. I am so glad to be back with Creb and Iza again. Not to mention Ayla, my favorite heroine of all time. Okay, a little reading for me and then I am going to sleep.

Quiet so still

I look at this line of trees so often from my front porch. I know where they each stand too because of all my neighborhood walks over the past decade. They are mostly my favorite tree in this picture. The pine tree. Some people don't like pines because they could drop heavy limbs on houses and cars during a hurricane. A neighbor of my grandmother actually had a row of beautiful pines cut from his yard. Sweet tall trees that threw down long soft shadows and carpets of fresh needles to braid. Now his yard is ugly and sun scorched. The line of stumps still look reproachful to me.

I planted a wee baby pine tree that was trying to grow in my grandmother's garden. I put it in a strategic place in the front yard avoiding power lines and our roof. By some luck the lawn guys have not howed it down with their big riding mowers - yet.

 

It is so dry here. We need rain so badly or the fires will start again. I am giving my backyard some serious attention this year. I hope the rain will come down and help things to grow and get green again.

About breakfast

There are moments I enjoy like this one, a quiet Saturday morning with a cup of hot tea thinking of something to talk about with you. The prelude to what will come in my next hour when I shall be getting everyone's breakfast. It may surprise you to read that preparing and washing up after mealtimes is one of my greatest pleasures in life. However, I never felt quite that way about it until after I weaned my daughter from breast feeding.

Nursing is such an intimate and basic act. And all those times I held my hungry babe to my breast and fed her it was like a miracle. I truly marveled that my milk could be all that she needed to be so fat and healthy. And then when I began to feed her solids, I prepared that food with the love and pride of all mothers. And in her weaning I would hold and cuddle her small sturdy body while she ate her crackers and bananas. I was telling her that the breast may be gone, but the love and the attention were still there.

And now that she doesn't need me in that way anymore I still remember. And I take pleasure in knowing that it is my hands that prepare her meals and that of my husband too, for my joy in serving him has increased ten fold since our child. In a way I hold them both to my breast, closer to my heart as I go to market and prepare meals and keep the kitchen clean. I know that in that way at least I am doing my best to care for them. Now the laundry, mind you, is a whole other matter! I've yet to find the sweet talk I need to enjoy folding clothes.

My daughter loves to eat waffles and blueberries and watch her cartoons. I like some toasted raisin walnut bread and a cup of sweet coffee and my new favorite read at breakfast is TAROT FOR TODAY by Reader's Digest. My husband likes a big plate of scrambled eggs and some sausage if its on offer. He will usually surf the net after eating, like my grandmother reading her newspaper. Between the two of them I don't actually have to watch any news at all. They will let me know if there are any more planes crashing or Obama bashing going on. (thank goodness, because I can then sound somewhat intelligent if I need to talk about anything other than child rearing to someone.)

Rainbows and Unicorns and Rose Petal Dresses

Here I am with spring fever and planting some chalk flowers upon the driveway. My daughter is talking to me about the sunshine and the bumblebees (we like to scream, "Aaaahhhhh!"), the airplanes, the birds, and later in my arms as I carry her from the car, she leans back, face cast back in abandon to the velvet dark sky above us and she greets the moon and the stars. "Hi Moon! Hi Stawrs!" she says. "Hi Moon and Hi Stars!" I say. I tell her she is my fairy. I tell her she is clever and a pretty girl. She says nothing to this but I can see my love falling down upon her and around her like gentle rain.

I told my husband a few months ago, when explaining why exactly The Baby could NOT watch FAMILY GUY, that "her world is rainbows and unicorns and rose petal dresses." He understood me then. He is a patient man.

Her world is actually Winne-the-Pooh, Mickey Mouse, Oswald, Yo Gabba Gabba, Dora, The Wonder Pets, Sesame Street, and more but I'm making my point; the child watches entirely too much t.v. I must work on that. The only adult t.v. I make sure to watch is The Young and the Restless over lunch with the Grandmother and maybe Ellen at 3pm, preferably with a cup of coffee. I feel like I'm totally getting away with something in life by enjoying daytime television. So if the weather is nice I make sure to get Sarah and I out for some fresh air. And she demands it so there is that to keep me going "Outside!" I guess you could say the Mama's life is filled with filling bird baths and picking azaleas, admiring the sticks and rocks, plucking the bark off the pine trees.  And the funny little bugs I tend to find if Outside.